Admit it; you saw '50 Shades of Grey', and now you are curious to explore your own fetish fantasy with your partner or lover. BDSM toys are a great way to take your intimacy to the next level and to explore power dynamics, pleasure, and even a bit of delightful (and consensual!) pain. If you wish to pique your imagination, let's explore the best BDSM toys for couples.
However, there are often misconceptions around BDSM and toys. Before moving forward, it's important to make sure to educate yourself on not only the toys themselves but also on the safety and care of BDSM toys so that you can continue to enjoy the type of sex that you and your partner want to have.
If fantasies of restraints, rope, bondage tape, and even nipple clamps excite you, keep in mind that such toys are one way to intensify your sex life, which can bring much pleasure and excitement. While these toys may seem intimidating at first, don't let that get in the way of what you and your partner want to explore in terms of enjoying the best sex and kink play possible!
What Is BDSM?
To start, BDSM is the short form to describe sex acts that fall outside of basic conventions. The term BDSM can stand for a few different combinations, but in general, it refers to 'Bondage, Domination or Discipline, Submission or Sadism, and Masochism. Generally, those into these types of practices tailor this term to what they want to be in their sex life.
Let's break down this acronym as a way to create a deeper understanding of this label. That said, the most important element in BDSM play is consent.
1. Consent and Safe Words
Expressing and obtaining consent is absolutely crucial in achieving a positive experience with more extreme forms of sexual intimacy. Before engaging in acts that could be intense and even somewhat painful, players must agree to the activities ahead of time. In many kink communities, consent goes beyond 'no means no'. Deciding to engage in kink play also requires an emphatic 'yes means yes'.
Before moving on to elements found within BDSM play, it's essential to discuss the importance of safe words as it relates to consent. Safe words are special terms decided upon between you and your partner to indicate a change in comfort level or express that one person would like to alter or stop a BDSM scene.
For example, your safe word may be 'cherry'. When you are beginning to feel uncomfortable or need to stop an activity, you would say 'cherry', and your partner would cease any play. Typically, a safe word is a code word and not something as obvious as 'stop'.
Some people like to express themselves and their arousal using more conventional words as part of the overall scene. Using a code word allows for the players to switch or stop a scene without breaking the momentum. A specific safe word is also an undeniable way to alert your partner without any confusion.
2. Bondage
The term bondage is pretty straightforward. It refers to the practice of restraining someone or being confined by the use of actual restraints. It may seem strange that someone would derive pleasure from being tied up or held down for those new to the way of bondage. However, there are plenty of couples who enjoy incorporating bondage into their sex lives.
One of the key aspects of bondage is the subject of control. The person who is restrained or tied up during intimacy is under the control of the person who has bound their lover. To many couples, the idea of relinquishing control to their partner can be quite appealing. In addition, unlike some kinky practices, the act of bondage need not be painful. It can be as easy and simple as using a rope around someone's hands to restrict their movement.
3. Domination
Domination or the act of assuming authority over your partner is one fundamental way to keep control and to maintain a power dynamic during sex. Many couples interested in exploring BDSM practices during sex want to develop some kind of power exchange. This can heighten the experience, creating more pleasure through the thrill of having someone in a dominating role.
Traditionally, dominants are the ones who make decisions regarding how they want their partner in the heat of the moment. They may be the ones who decide on the type of sex toys that will be used or what kind of BDSM play will occur, and how and even when they want to have sex!
As mentioned above, it's important to make sure that discussions of consent have been had before assuming this role. While the more submissive partner may want their partner to control them, this cannot happen until the couple has come to an agreement and the best time to have this discussion is before any kinky sex or BDSM play has occurred.
While it may seem fun to be the dominating person, there is a lot of responsibility within this BDSM-inspired role. Dominants need to make sure that their submissive partner is feeling safe and comfortable.
4. Submission
The act of submission within BDSM is where one person willingly decides to succumb to being controlled by their dominant partner or lover. This is one easy way to keep the power dynamics balanced.
Submission can be expressed in many ways. Depending on your kink relationship, it can be quite extreme, even lending itself towards servitude. However, for this article, we will focus on submission during sex and BDSM play only.
The submissive partner is typically the person who is put into restraints, tied with a rope, or who is the one to wear such items as ball gags and nipple clamps. In short, the submissive is the receiver, whereas the dominate is the giver.
And while everyone must use safe words, it is the submissive that usually requires the safe words the most because they are the ones who are in a more vulnerable position during play.
5. Sadist
Sometimes the 'S' in BDSM stands for 'sadist,' as opposed to 'submission.' A sadist is a person who gets pleasure from hurting someone else. This could be in the form of physical pain or emotion or both. While this may sound abusive, it is not uncommon for some people to identify as sadists within the context of the kink community.
Sadism need not be extreme; some players may want to administer a spanking during sex, for example. A swift, open-handed spanking may sting, but it's not necessarily an intense example of physical pain. For the spanker, it may be an easy way to dominate their submissive. Other sadists may want to use kinky sex toys, such as nipple clamps on their 'bottom' as the best way to provide some pain and excitement.
That said, mutual consent between those involved must balance out the desires of a sadist. That is what creates the divide between those who want to receive pain versus those who do not. It's also important to note that the person who is receiving pain (whether through BDSM toys or other forms during sex) has agreed to these acts beforehand.
Within the BDSM spectrum, this article will focus less on sadism and more on submission. However, it's still interesting to note how sadism can be incorporated in kinky forms of play and intimacy.
6. Masochism
The flip side to sadism is masochism. A masochist is a person who receives pleasure from being hurt. Like sadism, masochism can be fluid in its intensity. A masochist may enjoy receiving a spanking but may not like more extreme forms of pain.
For example, perhaps they have a fetish fantasy where they are tied up with restraints so that they cannot use their hands. Or maybe they like being bitten during sex. The concept of pain or suffering is very subjective and individualist.
As you can see, a sadist and a masochist are perfectly paired in this type of scenario, with one person receiving sexual gratification from administering pain, where the other person is aroused by receiving pain. In the kink world or within BDSM activities, this can be a wonderful balance.
The best way to determine what kind of experience a masochist wants to have is to keep the communication open. A masochist is responsible for vocalizing their desires and voicing their discomfort if an activity becomes too much.
On the other hand, a sadist is responsible for performing such painful acts from a place of knowledge, keeping safety and comfort in mind. A sadist must always listen to the masochist to make sure that they are enjoying themselves.
A Note About Active Consent
It's important to note the difference between consent and active consent. Consent is the act of obtaining permission. In the case of kink and BDSM, this means obtaining permission where all parties agree to engage in certain activities.
Active consent, however, goes a step further to ensure that all parties have continued to agree on engaging in certain acts as they are happening. It is crucial to receive consent before anything happens. Still, it is equally essential to provide or obtain ongoing permission, particularly if you are playing with someone new or with strangers.
All parties must be on the same page with what is occurring in the scene to enjoy themselves. And just because someone consented to a particular activity at first doesn't mean that they cannot change their mind halfway through or end the scene altogether.
You can exercise active consent through the use of safe words and communication. BDSM and kink can be sexy, fun, and exciting, but these types of practices also require knowledge, awareness, and care so that everyone involved can play safe and enjoy a positive experience.
Different Types of BDSM Toys
BDSM toys are an easy way to spice up your sex life, and there are plenty of implements that are perfect for beginners. Whatever your fetish fantasy, there are toys for BDSM that will spark your interest and satisfy your kinky desires. It can be tricky to pick out the best BDSM toys for your play with so many options available.
Below is a breakdown of BDSM toys that may help to inspire some naughty fantasies between you and your partner.
1. Bondage Sex Toys
Bondage gear is a fun way to secure your lover into sexy positions and to bind them during sex. There are some great bondage toys available and options that are best for beginners, many of which are easy to use.
In most cases, the act of bondage in BDSM play usually requires restraints of some type. Whether you want to explore rope, bondage tape, or even handcuffs, there is something for everyone within the world of BDSM bondage.
Rope
One of the easiest and most accessible ways to bind your partner is with rope. Depending on how you want to use rope, there are various types available. For players who are more advanced and are into exploring rope suspensions, there are particular materials that you would want to research. However, if you are a beginner and are looking to experiment, a simple cotton form will do. You may want to test out materials on your rope bottom first to ensure comfort.
Bondage Tape
This is a fascinating and unique item that is specifically designed for bondage play. Bondage tape is typically constructed out of latex, and the tape sticks to itself without the use of any additional adhesive. For example, when you bind it around your partner's wrists, the tape will attach to itself on either end, leaving no sticky residue on the skin.
This style of tape is also relatively safe as it will not cut off the circulation on the skin (as long as you bind safely and not too tight). Another pro is that the latex tape feels pliable and soft, providing a wonderful sensation on the skin.
Handcuffs
Handcuffs are a simple and easy way to enjoy the act of restraining your lover. This is one of the best options for those new to BDSM. You can explore a hot, fetish fantasy or role-play using handcuffs without the cost associated with many BDSM toys.
However, it is important to choose handcuffs that are comfortable around the wrists. Any sex shops and online stores offer fuzzy handcuffs with soft material to protect the wrists, and this style can also be more esthetically pleasing. You also have the option of choosing leather cuffs, which can be more expensive but tend to be more durable and comfortable.
It is recommended that you stay clear of cheap handcuffs made from metal. While readily available, this design can dig into the skin, creating a more painful experience (and not in a good way!).
2. Ball Gags
Ball gags are a quintessential BDSM toy. If you don't already have personal experience with them, you have seen them in use within movies and pop culture references regarding BDSM play.
The idea behind ball gags is simple. It is basically a ball and strap that wraps around the head. The ball is placed in the mouth, and the head strap keeps the ball in place. The person wearing the ball gag can still breathe from their nose, but they cannot speak audibly (minus a few grunts and noises).
Why do people find this pleasurable? There are a few reasons. Submissives may crave having their voice restricted by their Dom, relinquishing their power. On the other hand, a Dom may want to exercise control over their sub by restraining their mouth. Essentially, this heightens the power-play dynamics between the partners.
In addition, a ball gag can be a fun esthetic to play around with. If you have ever attended a fetish party, chances are, you have seen someone wearing a ball gag and admit it; it caught your attention!
3. Types of Impact Toys
Impact play is quite common among kinksters. Many people enjoy the sensation of a hard thud, a sting, or a slap. The reasons why people find this erotic can vary from person to person. Also, there is a delicious sort of taboo that goes along with eroticizing activities such as spankings. Below are some of the best BDSM implements for impact play.
Paddles
Paddles are a kinky sex toy and are often shaped like a paddle that you would use in a game of ping pong. The idea is that one person spanks the bum (or another chosen body part) of their bottom, using the paddle. Because of their flat surface, the sensation is similar to a bare-handed spanking. It generally feels more like a thud than a sting, which kinksters find erotic.
Floggers
Floggers make a gorgeous BDSM toy and are quite common within the world of kink. These implements include a handle for gripping with long strands, like a tail. Floggers are similar in design to whips, except that floggers feature multiple tails instead of one, lengthy cord.
Floggers are usually made out of leather, although you can find less expensive versions made out of synthetic materials. Due to the tails' wide, flat design, this BDSM toy offers more of a dull smack than a stingy sensation. It's best for those who prefer a slapping feeling, and this widespread BDSM sex toy is used most notably on bums, backs, and sometimes legs.
While you can become quite experienced in how you swing a flogger, the basic technique is relatively easy to use. You want to make sure that you are hitting the body's fleshier parts to avoid administering extreme pain. Otherwise, it is comparable to how you would use a whip.
For the best results, always communicate with your bottom or submissive to ensure that the force and the pressure are still enjoyable.
Canes
Unlike floggers, canes provide a sharp stinging sensation. Canes are considered a more advanced implement, as they deliver a precise impact that is usually followed up with bruising and marking on the skin. Canes are not recommended by those who are entirely new to kink play. Still, with more experience, one can eventually move on to caning, as long as everyone involved is comfortable.
In general, canes that serve as a BDSM toy are built no differently than a regular cane. That said, the best canes to use for BDSM play are made of rattan, a material made of palm. We do not suggest that you use bamboo canes for the purpose of BDSM play. Bamboo is known to break more easily, which can cause severe damage to the skin.
4. Related Accessories
Nipple Clamps
Nipple clamps may sound painful, but many people enjoy the feeling of their nipples being pinched, regardless of gender. In addition, there is an aesthetic quality to nipple clamps, making this BDSM toy quite sexy!
Clamps come in a wide variety of designs. Some of them are separated into two devices so that you can pinch each nipple individually. Other clamps join together in the middle with a chain. Typically, clamps that are bought from a manufacturer are made of metal. Also, the actual style of the clamp itself can vary.
For BDSM beginners, the best nipple clamps are the ones that are adjustable, meaning that you can control the tension on the clamps themselves.
Because there is so much variety in terms of tension and pressure, not everyone will respond well to clamps. But for those who enjoy the sensation, this toy can offer a lot of arousal to these erogenous zones.
Other Accessories
The world of toys and BDSM equipment is quite vast. There are unique offerings available, depending on how much you want to invest in your toys or furniture. Some of the more interesting accessories include:
- Spanking benches
- Sex swings
- Latex vacuum beds
- Human-size cages
- Chastity belts or cock cages
- Sounding equipment
- Masks
- Decorate knives
One of the most interesting aspects of kink and BDSM is that your imagination only limits you. As long as safety, consent, and education are at the forefront of your practice, there are plenty of implements that will offer a thrilling experience for both you and your partner.
Recommendations of the Best BDSM Sex Toys
Below is a compilation of BDSM toys, ranging from those made for beginners to more advanced implements. Whether you are looking for bondage items or restraints, check out these toys, which are easy to order online or to purchase from your favorite sex store.
Toys for Beginners
1. Bondage Boutique Black Bound To Please Under Mattress Restraints
Explore the pleasures that can be found with these polyester bondage restraints. The Velcro cuffs make it easy to hold down your lover as they submit to your kinkiest desires. Avoid complicated types by attaching the straps to your mattress without the commitment of securing any fixtures. This is an affordable item that offers a great introduction to bondage without a heavy investment.
Affordable as they pretty, these metal clamps offer a tweezer shape with silicone ends that offer exciting nipple stimulation without any excessive tension. To adjust, simply (and slowly!) slid the divider down to increase the pinch. They are easy to use and great for those who enjoy both a subtle or more aggressive squeeze.
3. Lovehoney Starry Night Bondage Bundle
This package offers incredible value and a beautiful design. The package includes a small paddle for spanking, an eye mask for sensory deprivation, and matching, adjustable nipple clamps perfect for beginners. We love how coordinated and versatile this bundle is; try multiple scenes with just one kit!
Remember how we mentioned any handcuff restraints should offer comfort in their design? Say hello to these faux fur cuffs that secure easily with Velcro. There is no need for a lock and key! Simply fasten into the place and enjoy! The fuzzy material will feel soft against your partner's wrists.
Intermediate Players
1. Bondage Boutique Red Hot Passion Bedroom Bondage Kit
So you have dabbled in BDSM bondage play, and you are hungry for more! Up the ante with this great package includes restraints, cuffs, a ball gag, a soft rope flogger, and an eye mask. The polychloroprene material feels soft against the delicate tissue around the eyes, and the cuffs are comfy against the wrists. As you move into impact play, you will find that the rope flogger provides a nice impact sensation without excessive stinging. This bundle provides excellent value and multiple options for bondage and BDSM play.
Don't let the title scare you; this item is far sexier than it is extreme. However, for those who want a little more 'spread' to their kink play, this cuff set will help position your submissive at just the right angle! Simply adjust the cuffs around the ankles and set the spreader bar so that the legs open wide. Then secure the wrist cuffs and bend your submissive over-or order them to hold their hands up high! Either way, you'll enjoy hours of play with this easy to use bondage item.
3. Bondage Boutique Violet Boudior Spanking Paddle
Your submissive has been very naughty, and now, it's time to administer some 'funishment!'. Show 'em whose boss with the gorgeous, spanking paddle and create a sexy Dom/sub fetish fantasy of your own! The surface measures 2.5 inches, offering a delicious impact sensation. The black and purple embroidered design screams style, while the wrist loop on the end of the handle offers control and precision.
Advanced BDSM Toys
1. CB-3000 Male Chastity Cage Kit
As a Domme, it is important to keep your male submissive in check. Lock up that cock for hours of naughty and seductive torture. This delightful cage is made from medical grade, hypoallergenic polycarbonate, and its comfortable design is perfect for longer wear. Secure your submissive with a brass padlock and hold on to that key; just don't tell your submissive where you've hidden it!
This exciting BDSM accessory is perfect for combining bondage and restraints into your intimacy. Use your imagination and secure your lover into the most interesting sexual positions! The faux velvet material will offer comfort, while the industrial-strength frame provides a safe experience. While this item is expensive, it will surely be a great addition to your kinky lifestyle.
Bondage bundles aren't just for beginners! If you are looking for a combination of quality and value, this great package includes all of the implements necessary for a hot and wicked scene! Seduce and conquer with wrist and ankle cuffs, a sensory deprivation mask, four-way hogtie straps, an inflatable wedge for various sex positions, and door straps for sexy, suspended play.
Conclusion
In reviewing the best BDSM toys, we recommend the Lovehoney Position Master Mega Bondage Kit for both beginners and more advanced BDSM players alike. This package is both comprehensive and affordable, with many options in which to explore your kinky fantasies. Best of all, regardless of your experience level, you will discover new and interesting ways to use these items as your journey into BDSM intensifies. Play safe and have fun!
